This month has been the worst for me. I thought I was gaining control over my anxiety at work. I have been at the same job for over 2 years so I should be able to control my anxiety while at work.
I work in a hotel with over 700 rooms. I speak to what feels like that many a day as I check people in and out or help them with anything they may need. On top of the speaking required for my job, I also have to have conversations with them. That is where my job becomes difficult.
Just a week ago, a guest I was checking in was telling me about car troubles she was having. I felt like adding to the conversation by talking about my current car troubles. I also asked her some questions to keep the conversation going. After she walked away, I started feeling good anxious. My muscles were tightening. They felt tingling. My body was shaking and my chest was starting to hurt. Sometimes my body gets warm and I start to sweat. I have a hard time talking to more people after that. This happens after every conversation I have at work.
One time on my break, an employee talked to me for the first time and was joking. It caused me to have a panic attack. I felt like I was dying. I had a hard time breathing. I was trembling. My stomach was in pain. My muscles were tight. My mind was racing. I was sweating. I was so scared. When I got back to work, I had the strangest feeling. I was confused and couldn’t figure out what was happening. I had trouble sleeping for a few days. I was woke up scared when I did fall asleep.
No matter what I try to do to control it or make it go away doesn’t work. I go to therapy to talk about it. That helps a little. I use lavender oil and that helps at home. I try deep breathing during the day. That doesn’t make it go away. Anxiety never leaves.
One thing I learned with having social anxiety and working at a job that requires me to be social is to be honest with the people I work with. It makes working with them less awkward and they can be understanding and patient. I have also learned that after over 2 years of working the same job, my social anxiety will always be there. I will just have to learn to work with it.
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