Fear Of Being Happy

Happiness is one of those feelings that is hard to find. When you do find it, the feeling can lead to a long time of happiness or a short time due to something bad happening at the end of it.

The fear of being happy due to something bad happening is more common than people think for many reasons. A common one is because we like to seek out happiness rather than letting it find us. It could be the cause or it may not be the cause.

My anxiety and depression isn’t caused by a fear of happiness. It is caused by stressful events in my past. I do think my recovery is hard due to my fear of happiness because I am too used to having anxiety and depression. In a way, I feel like I am forcing myself to stay in poor mental health.

I avoid going to events with family because of my fear of being around a lot of people. I don’t talk to people or hang out with people because I’m scared things will end bad. I stay home alone because I feel safe instead of trying to meet people. I don’t participate in activities because I am afraid of embarrassing myself or getting bullied. All of these things are fun but I associate them with bad things happening.

Anxiety is having a lot of negative thoughts and worries. In a way our minds can be our enemy in recovery.

In 2013, the Journal of Cross-Cultural Psychology published a paper explaining this. Researchers in New Zealand and England did a study to identify the correlations or connections of fear of happiness. They found that people who identified happiness with with disappointment, laziness or a traumatic event avoided going to social events and doing certain things that used to make them happy.

The negative association to positive events also takes priority to future positive events. An example is when you graduate high school, you lost someone important to you. When you later graduate university, you won’t be happy because all you can think about is how you almost didn’t make it to graduation because you almost failed one class.

The best way to overcome this is to change your thinking about these events. Make a list of all things that could go wrong. Why do you feel the way that you do about it? Next, make a list of how you can make it better. What could you do during that situation?

For example, I was scared to go to my sisters wedding. I was her bridesmaid. I had to stand in front of many people and attend the reception. I was so scared and didn’t want to be there. To make it more bearable, I made a list of things to help. If I was ever overwhelmed with all the people, I could always step outside to get a break. I could have played on my phone or message someone. Everyone’s attention is on the bride and groom and not me. This was extremely helpful in making it a little easier.

What are your thoughts on this? Have you tried this before and found it helpful?

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Overthinking

When I am talking to a stranger or someone I know, I worry that everything I am saying is the wrong thing. I overthink what I want to say. This is never a good thing because it causes my mind to go blank and gives me headache.

Should I say it? Will they hate me for what I say? They don’t want to hear what I think. They will ignore me or argue with me for what I say. Is what I want to say stupid? What will they say and what should I say next to keep the conversation going? Maybe I should just stay quiet.

Conversations for someone with social anxiety go like this. This is why people with social anxiety are also depressed and feel lonely. Overthinking what they want to say makes them keep what they want to say to themselves.

This can cause the people they want to talk to think the other person doesn’t like them or is being rude so they avoid them. This isn’t true. They just don’t know that they have social anxiety.

Social anxiety can cause you to have a faster heart rate, sweating, headaches, trembles, stiffened muscles and more. It is different for each person. There is no extensive list that includes all of the possible symptoms.

No wonder we have a hard time speaking up in social situations. We feel uncomfortable from our symptoms. The people we want to talk to don’t see this. I wonder if they could see this if they would understand and think differently about us.

What symptoms do you experience? What thoughts do you have in social situations that make it difficult for you?

My Favorite Summer Products

Here is a list of things that I currently love and treat myself with. Pampering yourself and spending a little extra on things you like is a great way to add a little extra happiness to your day. Below are some of the things that I like.

1. Cookie crumble mocha frappe from Starbucks

This drink is like a chocolate dream. I wasn’t sure I was going to like it at first. The bottom layer is where the most flavor is. There is the sweet cream and chocolate in layers. My sweet tooth thanks me for it. The middle is mostly coffee. I like to mix with the top layer. I make sure to finish every sip.

Out of all of the summer drinks, this one is the most refreshing. It has all of my favorites of cold and sweet mixed together.

2. Burts Bees Deep Cleansing Cream

Finding the perfect face wash is difficult. There are so many brands, different types of clean, face types and ingredients. Most of the ones I have tried never made my skin feel clean. It only felt dried out. It doesn’t help that the weather has been in the 80’s. Heat drys my skin out and I feel like it gets more dirty because of sweating.

The first time I tried this, my face felt refreshed and like it wasn’t dried out. I think it’s the chamomile. As soon as I lather it on my face, I feel cooled and like all the grease and dirt is being washed away.

If you are someone with greasy skin like me, I highly recommend you try it.

3. Maui Moisture Hair Mask

I have really thin and dry hair. It is even worse now that it’s summer. The sun sucks the life out of my hair. It sticks up and breaks more easily.

Maui Moisture uses shea butter and coconut oil. Coconut oil is a natural oil that strengthens your hair to reduce breakage. Shea butter moisturizes the hair and protect it from damage.

If you need an affordable deep conditioner for summer, I highly recommend this.

What are some of your summer essentials and favorite ways to stay cool?

Weekly Update

Things have been going well for me lately. As always, there has been plenty of negative stuff happening. These past days though, the good has overpowered the negative.

Me and my boyfriend have had a lot of laughs. We haven’t done anything other than relaxing, talking and going out to eat. The times when we do very little together are my favorite. I feel like when you can relax and still have fun with someone you love, that is a good sign.

After weeks of being sick, he is finally almost 100% better. My mom seems to be better as well.

Me and my boyfriend have had our moments of not getting along, mostly due to me. I can’t get over my worry of the same things have been worrying about for a while. We always get past those moments thankfully and get back to a good place.

I have a meeting with the history museum in my city. I am meeting with the a guy who works there to talk about writing for their newsletter and possibly doing social media work for them. It would be volunteer work. I am so excited and hope I get one of the positions. I am always excited about opportunities that allow me to learn something and grow.

My sister moved back home a few days ago. I am upset I haven’t seen her. She says is busy. When I asked her to visit or stay at my place, she said she wouldn’t unless she can bring her dog. Unfortunately my condo doesn’t allow dogs. I had to go around the no dog rule in order to keep my puppy with me. I don’t know if or when I will get to spend time with her like I used to.

My negativity when it comes to my relationship.I attempt to push him away out of worry he will leave me because I never have success with keeping people in my life.

How has your life been?

Playlist

I thought I would share my current favorite songs at the moment with you.

Ghost by Badflower

This is one of my favorite songs at the moment because I can relate to the lyrics. Growing up, I dealt with thoughts of suicide. Due to the horrible things people at school were whispering in my ears, having no friends and failing in school, I felt like I didn’t have anything to live floor. In my head, I had thought and envisioned how I would kill myself. I never attempted suicide though. The thoughts never got to that point because I was too scared to try and I didn’t want to leave my cats.

When the song talks about cutting and blood, it reminds me of all the times I have cut myself. I felt better after as I watched the blood come out of the cut. I didn’t do it because I wanted to commit suicide. I did it to feel better. I hoped everyday that life would get better after I was finished with high school. In some ways it did.

Unbelievable by Why Don’t We

I have this song on repeat lately. Especially while driving. It is a fun song that improves my mood. It brings me happy thoughts and reminds me of all the good times I have with my boyfriend.

The song is about a couple who are happily in love. They can’t believe they have met. They find it unbelievable they get to be by each others side. This how I feel about my relationship. I wasn’t looking to be in a relationship with anyone but he found his way into my life and I can’t believe how much happier he has made me.

I don’t care by Ed Sheeran and Justin Bieber

I can relate to everything about this song. It is about someone with social anxiety attending a party. They feel uncomfortable and like they don’t belong. People want to talk to them but they are scared to say anything back.They hide until they start to feel invisible. They just want to leave. A special person they connect with at the party removes that anxiety. They start to feel comfortable and feel like they can deal with the crowd better.

It took a few months but I eventually started to feel this way about my boyfriend. I was quiet and found it difficult to open up or even say a single word. He was patient with me and didn’t leave me for being shy like most people would. After about six months, I was bubbly and talkative. Now he is surprised when I don’t talk.

Nightmare by Halsey

This is a song that I didn’t fully understand why I liked it until listening to it a few times. It reminds me of a bad friendship I was in with a guy. He played around with the idea of us being more if his current relationship ended. He later would take those words back and say that would never happen because he was happy in his current relationship. I did spend the night at his place a few times. One night, he sexually assaulted me.

It still scares me even though this happened about 2 years ago. I can’t write or think about it without getting scared. I always think that any guy who talks to me will do the same thing to me. I feel like he used me to boost his ego and as a back up in case his current relationship ended. In my mind, I just wanted a friend. He was a good friend but I didn’t think that the signs meant anything bad.

I found myself lost in a friendship I wanted because he treated me well until that one night he took advantage of me.

Falling In Love In 4 Minutes

I recently read about a study done where a couple was able to fall in love within 4 minutes of meeting each other. Two people spent 90 minutes asking each other questions. Afterwards for 4 minutes, they just stared into each other eyes. This is all it took for them to start planning their wedding a couple months later.

The reason I found this so interesting is because something similar happened to me. Me and my boyfriend were strangers when he asked me out.

We met at my job. I was working at the guest services desk and he was working in security. He spent a few days just standing in front the desk and not making any contact with me. Eventually he found the courage to talk to me and ask me for my number. That night we stayed up late texting. We asked each other a lot of questions about our interests, favorite shows, favorite music, anime, video games and more. He was flirty. When he asked me if I had a boyfriend, I said no. He asked me if he had a chance with me and I said yes. We instantly became close after that. The first night we met in person, we kissed and went on our first date the next night. We have been together now for almost 3 years.

The study was done by psychologist Professor Arthur Arun. Two people asked each other 36 questions. They are questions you normally avoid asking someone you meet for the first time. Some of the questions asked are listed below.

1. Do you have a secret hunch about how you will die?

2. Take 4 minutes and tell your partner your life story in as much detail as possible.

3. What do you most in a friendship?

4. If you knew that in one year you would die suddenly, would you change anything about the way you are now living? Why?

5. How close and warm is your family? Do you feel your childhood was happier than most other people’s?

6. How do you feel about your relationship with your mother?

After asking questions like these, the 2 people stared into each others eyes for 4 minutes. At the end of the study, the pair fell in love and got married.

In 2014 there was a study done that showed the first thing men and women notice is the eyes. You can tell the persons personality based on how they look at you with their eyes.

Have you ever fell in love with someone the first time you met?

Forgiveness

As I forgive myself, it becomes easier to forgive others

As humans, we are prone to making mistakes. Our minds are so complex. This can cause us to see things wrong or to forget something. Even though I have been at my current job for about 3 years, I still make mistakes on things I already know how to do.

I also make mistakes outside of work. I might forget to pay a bill or accidentally throw a bill away. I forget to turn my blinker on when turning while driving. I forget to call people back. I even forgot how to talk during interviews and completely mess up my chance at the job.

These mistakes don’t make me a failure or a screw up. They make me human. Making mistakes also help me learn to allow me to become a better person.

You should also forgive others for their mistakes. Nobody is perfect. No matter how big the mistake, you shouldn’t hold it against them.