Can Your Mindset be Causing Your Anxiety?

I have recently learned that I view the world as I see it. My views are based off of my experiences and events that have taken place in the past. If things were to change in the present, I still focus on the past events as determining the present. I also feel like things I want should be happening now. I have no patience to wait.

Even though I am not happy to admit it, I do try to force things I want to happen to happen right away. My boyfriend is working on getting things taken care of to move in with me. It is taking a long time. I have been arguing with him often that I want it to happen now.

In the beginning of our relationship, things were very difficult between us. Now that things are better, I still worry that things from the past will happen again. This causes us to argue because I am always wrong. This mostly comes from me wanting us to start our lives together. I say often that I want to stop taking my birth control so we can have a baby.

This is called consensus reality. The person has a narrow and limiting mindset when it comes to how they see the world. To combat these thoughts, you have to come up with a productive way to achieve how your goal. It will help instill the confidence to reach your goals.

The second mindset is called having a dualistic mindset. These people view the world as everything being right or wrong. You can’t be both. They see themselves as being successful or a failure. They are tear themselves apart if they can’t have the things they want. This can be one of the most damaging mindsets because someone with a dualistic mindset is overly hard on themselves.

The best way to combat your anxiety when you feel this way is to remember you can’t control how life turns out. If you want to achieve success, it will take time. You just need to make decision based on what feel right and hope things turn out okay. If it doesn’t, you need to try again making a different decision.

A person with an illusion of control mindset will try to control everything. I have a degree of this mindset as well. My anxiety causes me to worry that something might be wrong if it takes my boyfriend a while to respond to my texts. I will send him several messages freaking out that something bad happened to him. People with this mindset will also feel responsible for others problems. They feel worthless once they realize they can’t control everything. To them, bad things will happen if they let go of the control.

To combat this, try making a list of things you know you can control. If there is anything you can’t control practice letting them go. It can be scary at first, but it will relieve a lot of your anxiety once you do.

Do you fit into one of these mindsets? How do you challenge the thoughts?

Advertisements

Loneliness Can Increase the Risk of Suicide

Loneliness is one of those feelings that has become too common. We are constantly busy and putting others before ourselves. It is common to put family before your needs because you feel like you owe it to them or you have kids to take care of. We are also always rushing to be somewhere and working. Despite needing to do these things, we need to take care of our needs.

We are social creatures. We need socialization with friends, family and coworkers. Loneliness can cause serious mental health issues.

In this day and age, we spend most of our days on electronics. One of the biggest and most popular is mobile phones. It is like a handheld computer. During social events, we spend our time preoccupied with our phones instead of socializing. Families don’t have meals together so they can talk about the good and bad about their day. We are the cause of our loneliness.

Abraham Moslow, a psychologist, is most known for creating the Moslow Hierarchy of needs. This is the order of physiological and safety needs we need to survive. Shelter, food and health and others are the most important. Right in the middle is love and belonging. This is socialization and feeling like you belong.

The number of suicides has increased by 30% since 1999. It has become the second leading cause of death of teenagers and the tenth leading cause of death overall. In 2017, 47,000 people died of suicide.

This website has several facts showing how much less families and friends communicate. It is an article written by a psychologist who has helped many patients with loneliness and suicide.

When I was in middle, I lost my friends and became quiet. Students started bullying me for how I dressed, what I liked, how quiet I was, how I looked and more. I spent all of my time hiding in my bedroom and watching a lot of tv. It was rare for me to feel comfortable leaving the house because I felt like everybody was judging me. I didn’t even feel comfortable being with my family.

Being alone all the time caused me to have suicidal thoughts. This also played a part in how I developed depression and anxiety. I wanted to die. I thought about stabbing myself, drowning myself, taking pills or stopping my breathing. I thankfully was too afraid to attempt it. I am thankful I didn’t because I have met a really great guy who changed my life for the better. Even though he is the only one I spend time with, other than my sister in the past, he still helped me find happiness and feel less lonely.

If you ever feel lonely or suicidal, you should ask yourself if you are loved and have people around you who care. Does your family love you? Do you’re friends enjoy your company? Are you in a happy relationship? If you can answer yes, you aren’t truly alone.

I recommend talking to someone or going to the To Write Love on Her Arms website. They have a list of several hotlines you can call for help.

Do you agree that we communicate less and are more lonely?

Positive Quote

images

For a long time after working on my journalism degree and publishing my first book, I gave up on writing. I stopped pursuing it because I thought there was no hope for me to make it as a writer. There was that short high after my book came out. It didn’t sell even though I tried marketing. I thought my writing was horrible and that no one wanted to read what I wrote.

I eventually found the courage to seek out volunteer work in journalism and start blogging again. There still isn’t many people who like reading my blog posts. Sometimes that gets to me and makes me feel like being writer isn’t meant for me even though I enjoy. It’s to a point where I have to remind myself why I am blogging.

Blogging is helps me do what I love and teaches me to do something out of my comfort zone. I am sharing parts of my personal life I normally wouldn’t feel comfortable sharing for anybody to read. I eventually would like to earn a living doing any type of writing and I feel like this the best way to step out of my comfort zone to get noticed as a writer.

No matter what your interest is, doing anything you normally don’t feel comfortable doing can be the best way to find your confidence to reach your dream. Blogging has helped me to seek out more volunteer work in journalism.

How do you step out of your comfort zone?

I’m Sorry For Existing

I have known recently that I have been apologizing when it isn’t needed. I say sorry for messages that I send or for me crying. I say sorry for things I do or for when I am by myself. I shouldn’t have to apologize for all of this. Sometimes I cry for reasons I can’t explain because I know I am upset over something that is relevant. I shouldn’t have to apologize for sending a message or for the time I have alone. It doesn’t make sense but I do it.

Saying sorry all the time means you’re saying sorry for existing. You should never feel sorry for being you. Doing this can have negative affects on your self-esteem. One thing is to always remember that you do matter.

The Harvard Business School did a study to find out why people over apologize. According to their study, the reason is that we want to build and maintain trust. Less than 10% of participants gave their phone to a stranger to borrow when they asked without saying sorry. Around 50% were willing to let a stranger borrow their phone if they said they were sorry.

When I think more about it, I do say sorry to make up for mistakes at my job to gain trust. With my relationships, it is the same thing. I’m not always apologizing for a mistake though. It is usually because I feel like I did something wrong.

Over apologizing is leaked to mental health disorders. People with anxiety will over apologize because they are overly sensitive to certain situations and losing relationships. Low self-esteem can make you over apologize because you don’t feel confident in what you’re saying or doing.

I never thought that a simple “I’m sorry” had such a powerful meaning. There are ways to avoid saying sorry unless you absolutely have to. Below is a list of things you can do the next you apologize for being yourself.

1. Pause

Think about the situation. Did you do anything wrong that requires an apology? Did your words cause an argument? If all you did was ask a simple question or the mistake was on the persons end, you don’t need to apologize.

2. Change Your Wording

Find a new phrase to say when you feel like apologizing. You can say “I understand” instead. There are many different you can use in any situation.

3. Make a Statement

This is a great way to tell if you should be apologizing. If you can turn I am sorry into a statement by explaining what your saying sorry for, maybe you don’t need to say your sorry.

There are different ways of saying you are sorry. When you say it, make sure you mean it and that you aren’t saying sorry for being yourself. There never anything wrong with correcting someone else’s mistake by saying they were wrong.

There are different forms of an apology. Each one has its own powerful meaning both positive and negative. There is the reflexive apology, the assertive apology, the blame-reversing apology and the genuine apology.

A reflexive apology is saying “l am sorry for going out with the woman from work.” They are saying they aren’t sorry for what they did. When you add what you actually did on the end, it comes off as you had a great time with the woman from work. Them going out to spend time with another isn’t that bad. This type of apology usually happens when we are protecting yourself from being attack.

The assertive apology happens when we say sorry for not wanting to do something. It is said like “I’m sorry, I don’t feel like folding the laundry right now.” It is also used when someone makes a mistake on a service that you say you didn’t ask for or don’t want to pay for.

The blame-reversing apology is one of the worse apologies you could give. It is like saying “I’m sorry I’m upsetting for asking you to clean the toilet.” This comes across as you saying you don’t care because you want it done.

A genuine apology is the type of apology that you honestly feel and mean when you say it. When you say it, you add in how you feel at the end and why you are apologizing. “I’m sorry that what I said hurt your feelings. I wasn’t thinking about how it would affect you.” Saying this way shows empathy. You truly are apologizing to them and being selfish in the way you say it.

I have never used any of the apologies outside of my work. I am guilty of using the kind of apology that will get a guest I am helping to feel like I understand where they are coming from. That often times requires to use an apology that isn’t genuine. Sometimes just doing your job like you’re taught to do it will make people unhappy.

I use a genuine apology when I apologize to people I care about. It could be about something I said or how I acted. If I mess up and risk making someone important to me upset with me, I genuinely mean every apology.

Are you guilty for over apologizing? Which apology have you used?

Let Go Of The Past Quote

There will always be hurdles we have to face in life. Some days we don’t have any and other days we have many.

The things can’t get in the way of our happiness aren’t bad. They are more like teaching moments. They are there to teach us how to stay calm in stressful situations and teach us what we are doing wrong to help us do things right next time.

Any bad moment that happened the day before or even an hour ago shouldn’t matter in the present. It happened in the past and should be left there. Use that moment to become a better version of you.

Tips to Combat Laziness

I have a history article for a newsletter due on the 12th. It has to be between 500 and 1000 words. Even though I am so excited to write this and want to be published, I am still finding it hard to write. I can only get myself to work on it for a short amount of time each day before I start to get distracted. Once I am distracted by my puppy or from watching YouTube, I feel too lazy to want to do anything else again for the rest of the day.

Being lazy is normal. I think we all have moments where we have something that needs to get done but can’t find the energy or will to do it. No matter what, I won’t be letting my laziness keep me from getting this article done and turned in on time.

There are steps at home I have been taking to make sure I get it done. Some of them are weird but they still work. As long as I get what I need to do done, I am okay with weird.

1. Sitting on the floor

I find when I am sitting somewhere I normally am lazy and relax, I won’t get done what I need to. The one spot where I am used to getting work done is sitting on the floor. The floor can be uncomfortable after so many minutes. At that point, I take a break before going back to floor to get more work done.

The reason I got into this habit is because my dog. Whenever I try to get work done on the couch or my bed, he will start barking at me for attention. He is a small English toy spaniel so he can’t jump onto the couch or bed. Sitting on the floor allows me to pay attention to him and do my work.

2. At a coffee shop

When I have free time, I love to go to Barnes and Noble to get myself a treat from their coffee shop. The environment is quiet. This helps me find inspiration and gives me a space away from everything to write.

I used to go the Caribou Coffee as well when I was at university. This place was way too crowded and loud though. I got distracted too often because of this.

3. ASMR

Sometimes when I am working, I find the quiet to be distracting. This can be weird because quiet is when I can think the clearest. It helps me to not lose my thought. There are times when the quiet can make me antsy and like I need to do something other than work to keep busy. I end up binging on YouTube videos and become too tired to work on anything.

At these times, I like to play ASMR videos in the background. These videos are quiet enough to where they become white noise. They are mostly whispering videos or ones with a calming sound. It helps me relax and focus on what I am working on.

They can also be helpful to help me feel less alone while working because I need company from another person. Working alone all the time can be difficult.

4. Take Breaks

One of the best ways to keep on a task and not get lazy after a few minutes of work is to take breaks. They don’t need to be long breaks. When I take long breaks in between, I get lazy and don’t want to go back to doing work. Just a short 5 minute break is enough to give my brain and body a rest.

The brain can only focus on a task for about 30 minutes before your mind starts to wander. When this happens, I forget what I am looking at and the thought I was having.

What things do you do when you need to get something done but are feeling lazy?

Seeing The Good Every Day

I have had a tough past day. I am not sure what it is. Lately I’ve been focusing on seeing everything going on as negative. I felt like no one cared about what I had to say or thought what I was saying was stupid. I felt like no one cared about me. When I saw this quote, it got me thinking about what I do have. This morning, I had a good time laughing with my boyfriend.

What do you think about this quote?