Many good things have happened in my life in 2019. Many bad things have happened also. I never thought I would be owning my own home, still be in a relationship, blogging or be working at the same job. Despite bad things happening, they turned into good things in the end for the most part.
I don’t think I ever talked about this on my blog before. Last year when I was still living with my parents, me and my mom were in a bad place. She didn’t approve of my relationship. She would constantly tell me to leave him because he was using me, abusing and anything else she made up. One time, she told me she saw him yelling at me and saying cruel things to me. That was an obvious lie because she had never met him or seen us together. To her, it was true.
For months, I ignored her and walked away. I also tried telling her how it made me feel. Nothing work. Her words caused me to want to purge and self-harm. I even showed her my scars to prove to her how much her words were affecting me. After that, she told me I had to move out and find my own place. This was basically her way of saying she didn’t care how her words affected me because she wasn’t going to stop. The only way she would was if I move out.
I always told my boyfriend what happened. When I told him, he helped my find a way to move out that I could afford. Rent is over $1000. I can’t afford that. He told me I could own a place on my budget. That is what I did. Despite how things were with my mom, she still helped me with moving. Mom and dad helped me pack, get a moving truck and carry everything into my new place. They also made sure I had everything I needed to take care of myself. My mom even bought me a huge pack of toilet paper.
I am terrible When it comes to relationships. My anxiety gets worse. I can act out and get emotional easy. Each time we argue about it, he forgives me. I am happy he does but I feel terrible and like he shouldn’t. This helps me know how to become a better person and break those behaviors. Some of them I have broken.
The second biggest thing this year aside from moving is starting this blog. I have talked about how I originally started it as a way to promote my book. After a couple posts, I quit for a long time. At the beginning of this year, I decided to start blogging. Moving and having more time to myself made me decide to start blogging. It has made a huge difference in my life. I have found my love for writing again and have learned so much.
I have read many posts about people losing inspiration. I haven’t found this to be true for me. I have so many things I want to share and places I want to take this blog. I have a plan for where I want to take it in the future. I do have moments where I don’t want to write after putting out so much content though.
Thank you to everyone who follows and reads my posts. It makes me happy knowing people like to read what I write.
I have spent a majority of this summer working hard to try and find a new job where I can make a little more money and have a better work schedule. My hope was I would have one by the end of this year that was closer to home. It didn’t work out that way. Maybe one day it will happen or I can earn money doing online work.
Another thing I tried was searching for work related to journalism. I never heard back from those places. My hopes for that are low as there isn’t much work in that field. Finding it is based on luck and who you know.
This year has been filled with so many highs and lows. I have made mistakes and learned from them. I have almost lost but was able to keep my relationship. I have stepped out of my comfort zone. The coming will come with more challenges that I am ready to face.
What are the highs and lows of 2019?